My Heartfelt Apology.

Since at least the beginning of my blog, life has been a gradient from positive to negative... seriously, check it out if you have the time. I'm really sorry, especially to those who have looked into my eyes and seen me, as you'd imagine I didnt plan it to go this way. Far beyond what I expected. I thought a kid who never wanted to hurt a soul with good intention would survive. That kid was mudered by curiosity and the intent of assholes. I am something in-between that kid and death. Why the morbid and negative thoughts? I'm pretty sure no matter what, as you get older, life gets progressively worse.. maybe not, but there's definitly things you shouldn't understand or comprehend. There's definitly things I shouldn't understand. There's things I need so desperatley in my current state, but because of the desperation of the state I'm in, will never obtain. A catch22 you might say. Why should I exist? I wanted so desperatley to have a son. I wanted to show him how beautiful life can be, teach him that love is all that matters, its the only thing that really exists and everything else is just bullshit... teach him things I can't even teach myself anymore.....I can't even READ THE LINES I USED TO THINK I COULD READ BETWEEN.